Hey, my friends and clients. One of the many coaching tools I use in my practice is called “The Model.” It was created by Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. Listen to her podcast, take notes, and apply what she teaches. Your life will change!
You will hear me reference this model often when we are working together, so use this as a reference point if you want to dig deeper or coach yourself.
The premise of The Model can be summed up in 5 lines:
(Meaning anything in your life can be placed on one of these lines and you can work through it.)
Circumstances in our lives cause thoughts, which cause feelings, which we take action upon, which leads to the results of our lives.
If you learn this tool, you will be able to coach yourself through anything. I will give you some examples at the end.
Let me break down what each line represents in a little more detail.
Circumstances are always fact. They are neutral. So- I can’t lose weight is not a circumstance. It’s a thought. A circumstance would be seen the same by everyone everywhere. You could say your circumstance is that you weigh 185. That is a fact. I am fat is not a circumstance. It’s a thought. So keep yourself honest when you are working through this line of your model. Only write down the FACTS.
Thoughts: On this line, we will try to limit it to one thought you are thinking. IF you are in crazy land, you may need to write down all your thoughts and then run a model on each of them.
Your thoughts are not always true. They come from our upbringing, our beliefs, and are so often running our lives on autopilot that we don’t even know why we do what we do (or don’t do). You can not fight your head in your head. You need to get your thoughts onto paper or talk them out with a human.
Remember, you are not your thoughts- you have thoughts.
Learn to think about what you are thinking about so you can begin to question your thoughts. Ask yourself if you want to keep thinking those thoughts? Are they serving you?
You really can choose to think about things anyway you want- but only if you do so consciously.
Feelings: You can create any feeling you want. (Now.)
I think the most profound thing I’ve learned from Brooke’s teaching that helps make sense of so many of our ‘issues’ in life is that we somehow think we need to or deserve to be happy 100% of the time. And whenever we feel something that isn’t positive/happy, we buffer because we don't know how to deal with it. The truth of the matter is there is a contrast in life. It’s 50/50. There is new life and death. Sickness and health. Joy and sorrow. It’s all part of this beautiful human experience. We need to learn that we can feel any emotion and be okay.
I mentioned the word ‘buffering’ above. We buffer with things outside ourselves to help us deal with the emotions we feel inside ourselves. Food, alcohol, sex, shopping, work, etc.…Now, none of these things are wrong in the right context, but when you turn to them to deal with emotions, you are BUFFERING. Avoiding. Numbing. Whichever term you want to use. IT’s like life is too: crazy, boring, lonely, overwhelming, hard, unfair, etc…so instead of looking at why we feel that we avoid it all by buffering. I didn’t even mention social media! Seriously friends- no better way to zone out and not be ‘in’ your life than to spend hours watching others live theirs. Also- not bad- but when used to buffer, it’s just another addiction.
We must learn to be okay with negative emotions. Teach your primal brain that you’re not in real danger when you feel an uncomfortable feeling. Teach your brain that you can face things head on. You are an adult; you’ve got this.
The more you can become okay with feeling negative feelings, the more you can accomplish in your life and freedom you will find.
(Please don’t misconstrue this to say that if you are feeling sad/angry/hopeless due to abuse or something similar that you need to learn to feel it- get help and get out.)
On this feelings topic- it’s crazy to me how often we want something because of how we THINK it will make us FEEL. When in reality, those feelings are often available to you TODAY.
EX…If I get a raise, I will feel like my work is worth it, and I am good at what I do. Do you need the raise to feel that way? Sure external validation is nice, but it doesn’t always come. What thoughts could you think to FEEL like you’re good at what you do right now? If I lose weight, I will be happy. Really? Because I know plenty of people who lose weight looking for the feeling of happiness and they don’t find it. Why? Because happiness comes from WITHIN. What thoughts can you think that makes you feel happy right now?
What if you lived as if you were the best at your job raise or not because you showed up every day knowing they are lucky to have you? What if you started doing things that made you happy TODAY, without even losing the weight? Life is a whole lot more fun when we realize we are in charge of how we think about things and in turn how we FEEL about things.
Action- What are your thoughts causing you to or not to take action on?
We’ve been taught as adults or programmed somewhere along the way to avoid failure. But failure is a part of growth! It’s only bad when you make it mean something bad. This next part is direct from one of Booke’s classes in Scholars:
Action in order of goodness.
1. Success is the best that can happen.
2. Failure is the next best thing that can happen. Once again- 50/50. Success and failure.
3. Worse is not trying again.
She says 1 and 2 are your best options. At least you are in the game of life. So- what if you fail. At least you tried. And you learned something. Don’t make the failure mean anything more than the fact that you are learning.
Results: What is the result of all of the above. Or, start at this line and fill in the result you want and work your way up.
Results: What is the result of all of the above. Or, start at this line and fill in the result you want and work your way up. Coach yourself so you can have the present and the future you want. Listen- when you get this down and work with a coach, you will find that you reach your goals and work through your brain drama exponentially quicker. I will never be without a coach. Because I have crazy big dreams for my life and I have a brain that likes to harass me and spin into a thousand what if’s and replays etc.…
Create the results you want in your life, my friends!!!
When you hear me refer to The Model, this is a quick explanation of what I am referring to. It goes deeper than this, but this will get you started!
Examples of Models:
Let’s use weight-loss as an example. Here are a few models you can see in action. I will often first write out the unintentional model. What I am thinking on autopilot.
Unintentional Model #1:
C- I weigh 185
T- I will never lose weight
R- Feel hopeless and stay 185.
(Say this person wants to feel motivated, they can start by replacing Hopeless with Motivated in the F line and work their way out from there. If they are motivated, what thought do they have that gives them motivation? There is a bazillion to choose from, so I just picked 1. Sometimes you need to try on different feelings or thoughts until you get the right one that resonates with you.)
Intentional Model #1:
C- I weigh 185
T- I exercise + Fuel my body for weight loss.
A- Walk and don’t drink soda today.
R- Feel proud of myself.
Example 2: In this example I changed the thought when I did the intentional model.
Unintentional Model #2:
C- The scale was 170 yesterday and 172 today. (Be specific- don’t just say the scale went up.)
T- Nothing I do works
F- Like sh*t
A- Eat everything
R- Feel like crap and the scale goes up even more.
Intentional Model #2:
C- The scale was 170 yesterday and 172 today.
T- I know I didn’t gain 2 pounds, it’s water or something else.
A- Stick to plan
R- Scale goes eventually goes down bc I didn’t quit/ sabotage.
Example 3: In this example I am just doing the intentional model to help with my goal. So I start with the Result line and work up from there.
C- I weigh 170
T- It is in my power to lose 15 pounds
A- Exercise + Stick to eating plan
R- I weigh 155
I ask myself what is the feeling I need that will help me do A and R? Notice I didn’t put I am overweight in the C line. That is a thought and not a fact. Sure, you could use standards to justify your weight being above or below weight, but because it is subject to opinion, it does not go into the C line. 170 is neutral. Even the word overweight can bring up thoughts and feelings, so keep the C line to a number. You can feel how you want to about that number, but once again, those are your thoughts. And you can control your thoughts.
Example 4: This was fun, and from my coaching session today. I was expressing how I was not feeling the ‘mojo’ to work on my business or push to my next income goal. Just feeling kind of ‘blah.’
I was sharing how this year I’ve been telling myself to ‘be faithful to the daily tasks that add up over time’ when it comes to my business. Now, this was an excellent thought for me at the beginning of the year, but right now, that thought puts me to sleep. Boring. Blah. Meh. Those are the feeling that that thought was currently giving me. Instead of conjuring up some other thought as I was struggling to do, my coach purposed this.
What if your new thought was, ‘I feel the blah and do it anyway’. Or, ‘I get things done no matter how I FEEL’.
Friends- this was so empowering to me as simple as it sounds. Interestingly, we don’t even always have to make the feelings change, but we can change how we think about them, and that changes everything. Sure, I can get myself a new feeling. But I feel that at this moment in time, for me, that it’s more powerful for me to learn to ‘get things done for my business no matter how I feel.’ And that thought does change my feeling from boring/blah/meh to empowered. And when I feel empowered, I take action. I believe in myself.
And the results from those actions? I create the forward motion in my business that I desire and I help more people. I show up fully. And I find my ‘mojo’ again.
There you have it my friends! An introduction to the Self Coaching Model and a few examples of it playing out in our lives.
If we are not currently working together and you would someone to coach you tell me about yourself here. The two main focuses of my coaching are Weight Loss Accountability and/or Life Coaching for Work At Home Moms. If either of those are you- I’ve got you.